Be Curious, Not Judgmental: A Lesson for Middle School Students (and, well, everyone)

By, Jimi Purse

“A reminder from Ted Lasso: lead with wonder, not with walls.”

As educators, parents, or mentors, we often find ourselves in situations where quick judgments feel necessary. Middle school students, too, are navigating a world where snap decisions and instant opinions are part of their daily lives—whether in the classroom, on social media, or among peers. But how often do we stop to reflect on the impact of rushing to judgment? Are we, as adults, modeling the curiosity we want to cultivate in our students?

The timeless Walt Whitman quote, “Be curious, not judgmental,” resonates deeply when we consider the role of curiosity in learning and growth. Recently, I was rewatching the Apple+ TV show Ted Lasso (for probably the tenth time), as the main character espouses the need for his team to take a wider lens. It challenges us to pause, reflect, and approach situations with an open mind rather than a closed conclusion. For middle school students, who are in a critical stage of identity development and social learning, this shift in mindset can have a profound impact on their academic success and personal relationships.

Searching for Patterns: The Double-Edged Sword of Our Meaning-Making Minds

Our minds are meaning-making machines, constantly searching for patterns, making assumptions, and forming judgments. This ability to recognize patterns has been a critical survival tool throughout human evolution—helping us detect danger, predict outcomes, and make sense of the world around us. However, in interpersonal situations, this same tendency doesn’t always serve us well. This is particularly evident during pre-adolescence and adolescence.

In a way, our minds work similarly to Large Language Models (LLMs) in Artificial Intelligence - both learn from patterns and past experiences to understand and respond to the world around them. Just as LLMs need extensive training data to make accurate predictions, our brains rely on accumulated life experiences to navigate new situations. Both systems try to make meaning by connecting dots and filling in gaps with what they already know. This comparison helps us understand why middle school students sometimes struggle with social situations: they simply haven't accumulated enough life experiences yet. Like an AI model with limited training data, these young minds are still building their database of social experiences, making it challenging for them to consistently interpret and respond to complex social scenarios accurately.

However, there are important distinctions. Human minds are far more complex, capable of emotions, self-awareness, creativity, and moral reasoning, which LLMs lack. While the analogy is not perfect, it serves as a thought-provoking way to understand how both humans and AI process and generate meaning.

When it comes to our relationships with others—be it students, colleagues, or friends—our internal narratives often reflect biases, incomplete information, or preconceived notions. These judgments can cloud our understanding of others, creating barriers rather than building connections. For middle school students, who are already navigating a complex web of social and academic pressures, these meaning-making tendencies can be especially problematic. A single assumption about a peer or teacher can snowball into misunderstandings, exclusion, or even conflict.

At its core, our judgments act as the lens through which we interpret the world. But that lens is rarely clear—it’s foggy at best, and sometimes completely opaque. Recognizing this tendency in ourselves is the first step toward shifting from judgment to curiosity. By questioning our assumptions and seeking to understand rather than label, we can model the kind of open-mindedness and empathy that middle school students need to thrive.

“Because empathy grows where questions are asked,

not where answers are assumed.”

The Problem with Rushing to Judgment

Middle school is a time of rapid change—physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Students are constantly interpreting the world around them, often through the lens of limited experience and heightened emotions. Rushing to judgment can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and missed opportunities for deeper learning. For example:

• A student in the classroom might dismiss a challenging subject as "too hard" before giving themselves the chance to engage with it.

• Quick judgments about others' behavior or appearance can lead to exclusion or bullying, rather than understanding and empathy.

• Students may judge themselves harshly for mistakes, limiting their confidence and willingness to take risks.

As adults, we are not immune to this tendency. How often do we, as teachers or parents, label a student as "disruptive" or "lazy" without exploring the underlying causes of their behavior? How often do we assume a student's potential based on a single interaction or test score? These judgments, though unintentional, can shape how we interact with students and, in turn, how they see themselves.

The Power of Curiosity

Curiosity, on the other hand, is the antidote to judgment. When we approach situations with curiosity, we open the door to deeper understanding and connection. For middle school students, fostering curiosity can:

• Encourage them to ask questions rather than make assumptions.

• Help them see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.

• Strengthen their relationships with peers by promoting empathy and open-mindedness.

For example, instead of dismissing a classmate as "weird," a curious student might ask, "Why do they act that way?" or "What can I learn from their perspective?" Instead of deciding they "can't" do math, a curious student might wonder, "What strategies can I try to figure this out?"

Modeling Curiosity as Adults

The shift from judgment to curiosity starts with us. As adults, we have the opportunity—and responsibility—to model this mindset for the middle schoolers in our lives. This means:

1. Pausing Before Reacting: When faced with a challenging situation, take a moment to ask questions before jumping to conclusions. For example, if a student isn't completing homework, consider what barriers might be in their way rather than assuming laziness.

2. Asking Open-Ended Questions: Encourage students to think critically and explore their own assumptions. Questions like "What do you think is happening here?" or "What else could this mean?" can help them develop a more nuanced perspective.

3. Celebrating Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Show students that curiosity includes a willingness to fail and try again. Share your own experiences of learning from mistakes to normalize the process.

4. Creating a Judgment-Free Zone: Foster a classroom or home environment where questions are welcomed and differences are celebrated. Let students know it's okay to not have all the answers and to explore ideas without fear of judgment.

“Learning starts with listening, not labeling.”

A Call to Action

Middle school is a pivotal time for students to learn not just academic skills, but also how to navigate the complexities of human relationships and self-discovery. By embracing curiosity over judgment, we can help them build the resilience, empathy, and critical thinking skills they need to thrive.

So, the next time you feel the urge to rush to judgment (whether it's about a student, a colleague, or even yourself) pause and ask: What would curiosity look like in this moment?  You might be surprised by the answers you uncover and the connections you create.

After all, as Whitman reminds us, curiosity isn't just an intellectual exercise - it's a way of seeing the world that opens doors to understanding, growth, and possibility.

Jimi Purse is a Founder | Consultant at Arcadia Education Partners